Agreements or Expectations

Agreements versus Expectations: creating an unshakeable foundation for any relationship.


I just finished my 1st session with a new client. We spent an hour setting our agreements and creating the container in which the transformational work will develop over the next six months.

I do this with all of my clients. Meticulously agreeing all the details around what we want from each other, what we are committed to giving and what we require in return.

The result is a strong, clear foundation for our work. 

In my experience, most people rarely experience this level of clarity, even in their intimate relationships.

It’s so empowering to have already talked about what we both want and how we will handle things if we slip up – even before we get started.

An expectation exists in two places: My head and their head. 

Whereas, an agreement exists in one place. 

It is a shared understanding of what, when, where, and how.


Expectations lead to conflict and frustration. Agreements, on the other hand, are the bedrock of powerful communication.


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I have learnt to recognise opportunities to step beyond my comfort zone in the pursuit of things that bring me true fulfilment – it was a small tweak that has ended up making a significant difference. We now speak on a regular basis and Simon has become the voice which says “you can do this”.

Keith Banwaitt